***WARNING***
After re-reading this part of me wanted to just delete the entire thing and get over feeling sorry for myself. I sound TOTALLY bratty, spoiled, ungrateful, etc...BUT, it is the truth. It's how I feel and I hope that those of you who know me understand that I'm just venting and I really am a nice person and I really do LOVE being a mom and a wife! Feel free to continue...but please don't judge :)
I mentioned that I only saw Jared for about 2 hours before he had to leave again. And I'm sad to report that I wasn't too nice while he was home. I hate myself when I do stupid stuff like this. Instead of being happy he's home - even if it's only for a short time - I'm bratty and cranky and unappreciative :( Sorry dear, but:
Jared gone for 5 days + no sleep + Jared leaving immediately for 2 1/2 more days + trying to make it through dinner + did I mention NO SLEEP - for 5 DAYS = CRANKY Jamie
I don't do the single mom thing well. I hope and pray I never have to. Those of you who do it permanently or often due to work schedules, I TOTALLY admire you! You are amazing!
My bad attitude didn't last the entire time (just most), and after I realized I was being a brat Jared and I started talking. To make things "even" or to make himself feel better before going on a guy's trip, he always tells me that I can go anywhere I want, go visit sisters or friends, and I know he means it, but I still have to take the kids. And I love my kids, but I'm sorry, IT'S NOT THE SAME! In fact, a "vacation" with the kids and NO Jared is almost MORE work than fun, because not only am I doing the single mom thing again, but I'm doing it in a new place where my kids will be all wired and probably wont get good naps/sleep...and can we say FLYING with 2 kids alone?! Been there, done that - NO thank you. So, like I said, just NOT the same!
I've tried pointing this out to Jared for the past 3 1/2 years, but he finally got it (I DID throw a pretty big fit the week before he left?!) To make this long story come to an end (sorry, it's late, I should be in bed and I'm venting) he told me I could fly wherever I want, NO KIDS. We'd find a babysitter, he'd take some time off (which is truly what I would like - him to take over MY life COMPLETELY for at least 2 full days - all by himself), whatever. And while I do intend to hold him to this promise, it's a lot easier said than done.
I don't plan on going anywhere soon, but just the thought of trying to figure out babysitters, pack for the kids, get kids schedules all ready, is stressful and takes away from the excitement of a potential girl's trip (oh, and did Jared have to do anything like that before he left? Um, NO...just had to take care of himself. Back to my main point - it's just not the same!) And now onto my next point. I've got my husband convinced - but don't really want to go on a girls (as in PLURAL) trip by myself...dilemma. Now I just have to convince some friends to drop ALL responsibilities for a few days, convince their husbands to take over, and come up with some money (which we don't have right now either...another reason I'm not getting my hopes up for anything to happen too soon!). Any of you interested and have husbands willing??? Let's talk :) I really need to take Jared up on this before he forgets - which probably won't take too long! OK, I'm done venting! Thanks for coming to my pity-party :)
13 comments:
I would LOVE to go... but it's going to either have to be like THIS month, or long after the baby is born... like maybe 7-8 months after. If you are planning one that far in advance totally let me know. Trevor is pretty good about giving me time off. :)
Sorry it has been a tough week for you! Thankfully Dana never leaves us and he works great hours! I am sorry that you feel like the single mom- I feel for you! I agree with all you said and I hope it gets better soon!
You have to let me know when/where you decide to go- you never know...I might be able to get away too!
I am so glad you didn't delete it. Those emotions are real and you have a right to vent and express them. And I SO UNDERSTAND!!! I know you'v heard me get frustrated numerous times over the same thing. And it IS totally different for Dan/Jared to go and just pack their own suitcase and take off vs. us taking off. And although I adore my children, I am SO GLAD to feel like our family is complete so I CAN get some me time and girls trips in. Jamie...once I get there count me in for a girls trip ANYTIME. Seriously. Dan and Jared can hang out and deal with 6 children by themselves while we go wherever the heck we want to. This is not a frivilous offer. I NEED some adventure in my life and to remember who Melissa is and not just be "Mom", "Wife", "Secretary." I hope you can book a girls trip asap. You need it and you deserve it. Sending you lots of empathy and a big fat hug.
I don't know if my husband would be up for it...but who knows, maybe I can work something out:) I like the idea of it for sure! DO you want to come over for lunch tomorrow? I have got a ton of lasagna I need to share, and maybe it can give you a small break from the kiddos (my kids are good at distracting) let me know:)
Amen, sista! No matter how awesome our husbands are, they'll never really understand what it means to be a mom. You know, like on Sundays when he's all ready to go on time for church because he just had to get himself showered and dressed and you have to get yourself showered, dressed, 2 kids fed, showered, dressed, quiet bags, diaper bags, church bags, etc out the door on time. And then he wonders how you could have forgotten the sippy cup on the counter? BLAH! LOL Oh and notice I left out yourself fed, because that is always the last thing on the list. Yeah, and a vacation with kids minus dad is not a vacation. It's fun, but it's definitely not a vacation.
I'm so glad you posted this. When you told all of us that Jared had left the week of your bday and Easter for that long, I thought you were a saint and handled it all really well, which I would NOT have. I would have the same reaction as you did! I could definitely not do the single mom thing either and I have many friends that feel the same way. Why do you think Tiffany packed up everything and moved? She was tired of doing the single mom thing!
Here's the thing. Everyone always asks me how I get Jeff to help so much and let's me leave whenever. The answer is I let him. I'm not saying you do this, but I think there are a lot of women that don't think their husband is capable or he's convinced them that he isn't, and so they are NEVER separated from their children. As much as we all love our children, we need a break! It's hard and no one could do it without going insane. I know that this parent thing is a partnership. It's not all just on the mom, so women shouldn't feel guilty (I know a lot who do) when we let our husband put the kids to bed, or change a few more diapers, etc...It's his responsibility too. There was a great article in the Ensign about the responsibility of fathers and it states this clearly. It's not just enough to provide for the family, their responsibility is more than just this. So definitely take Jared up on his offer and leave him ALONE with the children. The children will be fine and he may gain some appreciation for what you do. Every year I leave Jeff with the kids for one day to go to Women's Conference. It's just one day, but I give up that things will be done my way, and he actually does a pretty good job. We just try and be fair to one another. If leaves all the time for meetings or he's had to go on short trips before, so he knows it's only fair to let me do the same thing. I strongly believe that it takes a good father to make a good mother. By him helping me to do these things for myself, it helps me to be a more patient and kinder mother to my children. I would totally go on a girls' trip with you, if you'd like. We could leave on a Friday and go for the weekend (at least that's ideal). I'm available!
Wow, sorry this was awfully long. I guess I needed to vent too!
You are so stinkin' funny! I get a kick out of your posts. Just like all the others said, you're not at all alone in how you feel! :) If I was going to be around longer I'd for sure jump at the chance to get away for a girls weekend without the kids. I hope you do it! Make plans now even if it's for months ahead. Good luck!!!
Oh Jamie I am right there with you!!! In fact for the first time EVER since we have had kids I am going on a 3 day trip with my sisters. My hubby is freaking out about it all and he will still be going to work each day, which means, finding bbsitters, correlating everyones schedules and planning meals for him so he knows what to feed the kids. I am thankful for his willingness to help but then he announces to me that he is going camping for work again next week. Between YM, work and coaching there have been a lot of overnighters for him in the last 2 years. There is something in most men's brains that they just don't get it. It's the stress of planning that gets me. OK, so one of my friends wants to go to WICKED in Denver in October for her 30th birthday. She wants me to go. I'll go if you do:)
Jared got home tonight right? K let's leave tomorrow! Jeff has promised me the same and I just need someone to go with :) Now that I know you're game, let's plan this thing! Maybe June? July? Where are we going to go? California? New York? Hawaii? We'll talk
Oh Jamie! I also thought you were a saint when Jared told me he was going on the guys trip! I felt so guilty that I would not have been very happy with my husband in the same situation! So you should know you're in good company! By the way, I am all about the girls trip! Let's plan! I would love New York. . .or somewhere with a beach!
I love trips! invite me! invite me!
Oh, Jamie. You have obviously opened up a massive discussion which SO MANY of us relate to. THANK YOU. I have laughed so hard reading some of these comments. The best thing Steve & I ever did for our marriage was having me work one 12-hour shift a week as an RN. When I got pregnant with Blake we needed insurance (that didn't cost $1100 per month through Steve's work) so I worked 2 shifts a week. Steve had the kids every sun up to sun down every Saturday and one day during the week with a babysitter while he worked. I would get home on Saturday and Steve would be laying on the couch going "HOW do you do this every day?! I would go crazy!" I crack up calling him from work and he's out juggling all three kids and the conversation usually goes something like this "No, Blake get out of the street, Kali put that down, Trenton pay attention! Honey it's chaos over here, I have to go." And I hang up the phone at the hospital with a little smile on my face. At the same time I got a bit of his point of view...I was so grateful to come home tired and see he made an extra effort to clean or do laundry. I can't recall a guy trip taken by Steve, and he is INCREDIBLY quick to help & parent. Because of his time with the kids he just GETS what needs to be done. BUT...I still have many a moment. Saturdays used to be my least favorite days. For some reason Dad gets to sleep in, watch TV, play while the day continues like every other day for Mom - diapers, cooking, cleaning. Repeat. Arrrgh! After playing the martyr for years one Friday night I said, "Can I sleep in tomorrow?" "Oh, sure," was the response. Oh, this communication thing really does work! I've found it works with a lot of things. He is so willing to help if I just ask. I'm still not perfect at this - I stew, thinking "Hello, doesn't he see [the never ending list] that needs to be done?" But I try to remember to say "Could you pack the quiet bag, help with the dishes, change this diaper?" It works marvelously. So a HUGE KUDOS to you, Jamie for being able to talk to Jared! And of course wonderful Jared wants to help you get away. I guess we'll always have the blessing/curse of being the nurturer - of seeing & planning every monotonous detail to make life happen. But thank goodness for husbands who step up to the plate. Thanks again for posting this, Jamie. Love ya!
So sorry for the bad week! I'd write more but I have to go get the kids from school. I miss you Jamie!!
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