Grandma(s)

My kids are lucky. They have two awesome, loving, and extremely fun Grandmas. Grandpas too, but right now I'm not talking about them :)

Yesterday afternoon, we got a surprise visit from Grandma/Grandpa Richards. My kids were sure excited to see them and I was excited for them to meet Tessa. Right now Tessa's eyes look like they just might be blue. We'll see...but I would LOVE for her to have the beautiful blue eyes her Grandma Richards has! We are so excited that Ron and Annette just moved to St. George and are so much closer now! And then there's my mom. She spent almost two full weeks with us and we loved every second of it. Mia and Gavin loved all the special attention she gave them and Gavin stuck to her like glue! He would wake up in the morning (or from a nap) and first thing he would say is, "where ampa?" And I loved that I could just concentrate on Tessa. There was no rush to finish a feeding and quickly set her down so I could fix lunch or dinner or do one of the other thousand things a mom has to do. I could just sit and snuggle with her for a bit.

My mom flew home Monday evening and I was a wreck the rest of the evening. Forget pregnancy hormones...for me the hormones AFTER having a baby are so much worse! All day Monday just the thought of her leaving made me get all choked up, so I just put it out of my mind. But when it came time to say goodbye I was all tears. Jared took her to the airport and after they left I was still crying. Mia and Gavin were so sweet and concerned. They got me kleenex and wiped my tears for me and were very concerned with why I was sad. I told them I was just sad because Grandma had to go home, and Mia said, "it's ok mom...your mom will come back soon." What a sweetie. But of course their sweetness just made me cry more.

When Jared got back from the airport he asked if I was ok, and I had been...until he asked me. And then the tears started up again.

At dinner Mia brought up that I had been crying and just the thought of it made me choke up again. Then I looked over at Gavin who had the saddest, most concerned look on his teary-eyed face and he was asking over and over again, "why mom crying?". Yup...I lost it after that, which made him cry even more. Oh, my sweet tender-hearted little boy. So I just held him and the two of us cried for awhile.

I don't ever cry when I say good-bye to my parents. Just when my mom leaves after helping with a new baby. It wouldn't be so hard if she wasn't so wonderful. She just takes care of everything while she's here - she cooks and cleans and plays with the kids and does the grocery shopping and makes having a new baby so enjoyable and almost easy.

I cried when she left after Mia was born and I cried when she left after Gavin was born. And just thinking about it now makes me wish she could come back and stay for a little longer. Just until I feel like I CAN be a good mom to three kids. But I guess I wouldn't ever become that good mom if I didn't have to just do it. On my own.

I was sure after Mia was born that I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing, but I made it. And I was positive that having two kids was going to be the end of me...but I'm still here. So I guess I will make it with three and life will get back to normal...some day.